Healthy Boundaries Revisited

By October 19, 2009Uncategorized

I had the pleasure of attending a dinner party at the house of a friend over the weekend and met some really neat people. Topics of conversation included everything from the latest movies to the start of the ski season and the Nobel Peace Prize. Given my travel schedule in the past few months, people were all ears to hear about Greenland, Peru, Sitka Alaska, the Virgin Islands and St. Lucia. One guest commented that he could never travel because his job (he was self-employed) wouldn’t allow him time off (even a week’s vacation). As he talked, it occurred to me that it wasn’t his job. Rather it was his own limitations that were so constrictive. He’s not alone in this regard. As the expression goes, “Argue for your limitations and sure enough, their yours.” My first thought after hearing him say this was a lack of healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries require a strong sense of assertiveness; to claim what is truly yours (in this case, vacation time). Assertiveness is one pillar in the structure of healthy stress management skills. Make a habit to use your assertiveness skills to give balance to your life.

• Stress Tip for the Day:
Take inventory of your life today. Are there areas that you need to be more assertive? Where are the areas that you need to pull in the reins? Where are there aspects that you need to lighten up? There is a big difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Avoid the later. At the end of the day, it’s all about balance. As you review your day, your week or your life, remind yourself this simple phrase: “Healthy Boundaries.” Repeat it to yourself. Repeat it aloud. Repeat it to friends or colleagues who ask one to many favors or infringe on your personal time too often. Make your mantra today: “I have healthy boundaries.”

• Books Worth Noting:
Of the many topics of conversation that night at dinner, we discussed good books to read. Several people had read the book, The Cosmic Serpent, by Jeremy Narby, a story about a trip the Amazon rainforest and the quest for knowledge through shaman experiences… all of which leads the author to an amazing search to understand our DNA better. We all gave it a 5-star recommendation.

• Photo of the Day:
Speaking of vacations… this photo was taken of the Napali coast last winter while visiting Kauai. Enjoy!

• Quote for the Day:
“There cannot be a stressful crisis next week… My schedule is already full.” —Henry Kissinger

Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D. is an internationally renowned expert in the fields of stress management, mind-body-spirit healing and stress and human spirituality. He is the author of over 10 books including the bestsellers, Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water, Stressed Is Desserts Spelled Backward, The Art of Calm, Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart and Managing Stress (6E). He can be reached through his

© Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D.

Brian Luke Seaward

Author Brian Luke Seaward

More posts by Brian Luke Seaward

Join the discussion One Comment

  • Renee says:

    This is so true, about setting boundaries. I have seen it time and time again, especially in relationships. But,the time thing is huge. You have to make time for yourself, even schedule it in your daily plan, if you have to. I like to combine short hikes with water, whether it be a waterfall, river or lake, then the benefit is twice as good. Ihave gained much insight and knowledge over the years through reading your books. Thank you.

Leave a Reply