One Day at the Pearly Gates
St. Mark has been guarding the Pearly Gates for a long time, and it’s well past time for St. Peter to relieve him. St. Peter hasn’t come by, so finally Jesus takes pity on him and takes over. While He’s there, an old man comes up to the gates.
“Welcome to Heaven,” says Jesus, “Tell me a bit about yourself.”
“Well,” says the old man, “when I was alive, I was a carpenter. I had a son, and for a while he was a carpenter too, helping about the shop, but he left home. Made quite a name for himself, for a while, popular with thousands of people, but in the end… they killed him… One of his most recognizable features are the holes in his hands and feet.”
Jesus stared searchingly at the old man. “Father?” he asked.
The old man stared back in disbelief.
“Pinnochio? Is that you?!”
A company, feeling it is time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business! The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?” Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $200 a week. Why?”
The CEO hands the guy $1,000 in cash and screams, “Here’s a week’s pay and benefits, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”
Surprisingly, the guy takes the cash with a smile, says “Yes sir! Thank you, sir!” and leaves.
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?”
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”
The Good Son
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but
it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who always helped him was in
prison for armed robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and
mentioned his predicament:
“Dear Bubba, I’m feeling pretty low because it looks like I won’t be able
to plant my potato garden this year. I’ve gotten too old to be digging up
a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you
would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad”
A few days later the old man received a letter from his son: “Dear Dad,
For HEAVEN’S SAKE DAD, don’t dig up the GARDEN! That’s where I buried the
GUNS and the MONEY! Love, Bubba”
At 4:00am the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local Police officers
showed up and dug up the entire area. After finding nothing they
apologized to the old man and left. That same afternoon the old man
received another letter from his son:
“Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It’s the best I could do
under the circumstances. Love, Bubba”
• Stress Tip for the Day:
Abraham Lincoln once said people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Humor isn’t an emotion, it’s a perception. So consider adopting a perception (or attitude) of light heartedness. Try to find one humorous thing a day and most likely you will find many things to bring smile to your face.
• Quote for the Day:
“ Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” — Victor Borge
Photo of the Day:
One of my former students found a pad of paper and gave me a sheet from it! Enjoy!
Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D. is an internationally renowned expert in the fields of stress management, mind-body-spirit healing and stress and human spirituality. He is the author of over 10 books including the bestsellers, Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water, Stressed Is Desserts Spelled Backward, The Art of Calm, Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart and Managing Stress (6E). He can be reached through his website:www.brianlukeseaward.net
© Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D.