Thursday Morning Humor

By February 17, 2011Uncategorized

In a stress filled world, people can take themselves WAY too seriously. Every now and then it’s important to add some humor to the mix and lighten one’s emotional load. Here are some jokes to get you on your way. Enjoy!

This is the bell curve of life:
At age 4 success is… not peeing in your pants
At age 12 success is…. having friends
At age 16 success is…. having a driver’s license
At age 20 success is…. having sex
At age 30 success is…. having money
At age 50 success is…. having money
At age 60 success is…. having sex
At age 70 success is…. having a driver’s license
At age 75 success is…. having friends
At age 80 success is…. not peeing in your pants!

A lesson in high finance
A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan
officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and
needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the gentleman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the gentleman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The gentleman replied, “Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?”

No $#%! Sherlock!
“Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” exclaims Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Hourologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes replied: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

• Stress Tip For The Day:
Try and find one thing humorous today… and every day! If these jokes didn’t do the trick, you can start with these two video clips below…

• Links/Books Worth Noting:
Here are some links to some funny video clips. Enjoy!

• Quote for the Day:
“Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the door bell and run like hell. He hates that.” —Anonymous

• Photo of the Day: I took this photo while on a trip to Turkey last summer, outside the entrance to the ancient Greek city of Ephesus (I think they’re missing a comma!) Enjoy!

Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D. is an internationally renowned expert in the fields of stress management, mind-body-spirit healing and stress and human spirituality. He is the author of over 10 books including the bestsellers, Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water, Stressed Is Desserts Spelled Backward, The Art of Calm, Quiet Mind, Fearless Heart and Managing Stress (6E). He can be reached through his

© Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D.

Brian Luke Seaward

Author Brian Luke Seaward

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